Refi-ed Beans

Guess what one of my favorite things is. Go on, guess. Wrong – actually it’s refinancing my house – YES! I love it!

Hopefully you caught the air of sarcasm in that comment, because despite what I said, I actually HATE refinancing my home. Where does this loathing come from? Perhaps it stems from the 3+ mortgage offers I get each and every day asking me to refinance and select them as my lender. Maybe it’s the cons they pull to get me to actually open their mail. And maybe it’s a combination of the two – with a little natural spite sprinkled in to taste. Yeah, that’s it.

So I am in the last stages of actually refinancing with someone I feel comfortable with, after having done a little research on the kinds of loans I could get – and what they meant both short and long term for us. However even though I am in process, I am still getting pummeled by mortgage offers up the wazzoo. It wasn’t like this when we tried buying the house, noooo. I had to scrape and call around – finding y one savior who would lend us the money. Three years later, here we are doing the refi tango in hopes that we can spur off the interest rate adjustment and prepayment penalties.

One company that has taken to assaulting my phone is Equity One Financial. These bastards call me like four to five times a day, relentlessly hoping I will pick up the phone at least once. Well today was their lucky day – cause I was in a good mood and thought I might as well share my delightful spirit with someone else… namely Dan. Dan sounds like some 18-year-old punk who stammers and hasn’t learned the fine art of good phone manners. The boiler room noises in the background don’t help his cause:

Me: Hello! (in my best game show host voice for the first half of the conversation)
Dan: Hello, is Douglas available?
Me: That’s me!
Dan: I am speaking to Mr. Douglas?
Me: That’s right, you are!
Dan: Well god evening Mr. Douglas. My name is Dan and its come to my attention that your mortgage is set for an interest increase of 1.5% – I am seriously concerned about this. Your mortgage WILL go up hundreds of dollars.
Me: Are you serious!?
Dan: Yes I am. Has anyone ever told you this before? The numbers are alarming.
Me: Alarming you say!?
Dan: Yes. I work with Equity One Financial and I believe I can get you out of your old rate and into something new. If not, you will be faced with an increase of 1.5%. Were you aware of this?
Me: *silence*
Dan: Sir, were you aware that your mortgage is going to increase hundreds of dollars, costing you thousands of dollars each year?
Me: Well (switching back to my normal Douglas voice) I did hear that rumor.
Dan: Well have you considered refinancing?
Me: Yes.
Dan: ~Pause~ And do you plan on refinancing?
Me: Actually I already am refinancing.
Dan: Oh, you are? How far are you into the process?
Me: Pretty far.
Dan: Well if you tell me what kind of rates they are quoting you I can tell you by how much I can beat them by – since I work directly with 80 banks and lenders, I can get discounted rates that other companies can’t.
Me: Nah, actually I am comfortable with the company I am using now. But I appreciate your call and concern.
Dan: Mr. Douglas, if you can tell me the rates they are quoting you, I can beat them and save you thousands of dollars. You should really shop around.
Me: Well I did do my homework and I did shop around – and I decided to use this company. So, I do appreciate you calling with this offer, but I am happy with what I have.
Dan: I don’t understand Mr. Douglas. Please help me understand why you wouldn’t want to find the best deal on your refinance.
Me: Dan, I’m pretty happy with what I got now, so I am going to end this call now. Thanks again. (What is it with me and thanking people?)
Dan: I just don’t understand Mr. Douglas.
Me: Why don’t you just tell me your best rates that I can have, and I’ll tell you if you beat my lender?
Dan: Because I don’t know enough about your finances to give you an accurate quote. If you would just give me a little more information… Really, it just isn’t smart of you to not shop around.
Me: Dan, (Uh oh, I put on my mad face) I think you just made a mistake in telling me I am not smart. I don’t have to explain anything to you. I am no longer appreciative of your call – and I never want you to call me again!

*Click*

Give me a break! I’m never answering the phone again.

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