Profit of Muhammad

Don’t let the title fool you, I’m not going to be posting any defamatory images of any certain religion’s main peeps and get a jihad on my ass. I just decided I’d try and single out one particular group that my stereotypical guided mind determined was responsible for the spam emails I have been getting lately. Not that the Koran has excerpts regarding penis size and fake Rolexes, no no… but the grammar used in these is sooooo… how do I say it? Middle Eastern. Well heck, I guess it could be Mid West Hillbilly for all that matters.

I’m sitting here checking my Gmail account and find that my spam filter is collecting a nice supply of messages. Normally I wouldn’t even dive into this folder to see what finds its home there, but I am waiting for a reply from a guy about a thing.

See, I think I found my long lost friend Adrian. After checking my web site stats I found that I have an unusually large number of hits coming to my site from people searching for his name. Sadly, most visitors who find their way to my site are looking for him – what’s wrong with this picture? Okay, maybe it’s not most, but it is one of the top ten search phrases that land people into my blog. His name and “Coldfusion Sucks” are the two biggest, followed closely by Nancy Pelosi and the word “turnabout”.

So anyway, I sent an email off to this guy at podcastjunkie.com, since his second pod cast ever had a song in it from my friend! I asked him if that guy was the same guy I was passively looking for, and have yet to hear back from him. Which is why I have been diving into my spam filter, to see if his reply, if any, was dumped there. Nope.

Maybe if I use the term “pod cast junkie” and “podcastjunkie.com” a lot I will raise in the Google realm as a site worthy of top ten placement. This will cause him to find me when he is egotistically Googling himself, and maybe he will reply to me finally. Then again, maybe my email went into HIS spam basket. Ewww “spam basket”, that sounds like a crude name for a hooker’s privates!

Perhaps I am more cultured, or have higher standards than the typical penis enlargement-goer, but some of these subject lines simply are not attractive. How hard up for a bigger wang do you have to be to think these are valid businesses doing… business? Or then again, maybe they are going after the “I didn’t know there was nuthin’ I coulda done ta enhance my goods” crowd. Here’s the contents (subject lines) of my spam folder:

• Rock Her hard, real hard
• $129.95 buy now Viagra 100mg x 60 pills
• Office 2007 Enterprise ready to download
• Get a key to her heart!
• Rock her Socks off
• Select the Rolex Daytona, Submariner, GMT or Explorer you’ve always wanted, for just $179.
• Re.YourPharmacyReceipt 92828065
• Attract Like Bees to Honey
• I wanted to boost my self-esteem.
• Unbelievably low prices for top quality brand timepieces such as Rolex, Cartier, Breitling and many more.
• Want a king pecker

What’s even sadder is that my wife gets twice as many spam emails as this account gets – and they are all the same kinds. And sadder than that, is that my old email address that I switched from to this new account, still receives over 800 spam emails a day. Do you know how many times I have passed up calling this guy from Nigeria who’s the son of a wealthy dead General? Five times this week! One more and I’m calling him. Sixth time is a charm!

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