Rubber Baby Booty Bumpers

What is it with toilet paper manufacturers and the decision to put babies on their packaging?  If given the chance to guess, it must be because they want to give the impression of softness, or gentleness, like you would expect to use on said baby.  This is of course contrast to Charmin’s current commercial campaigns with bears wiping in the woods.  A big hairy clawed paw coming at MY rear is not appreciated.

Charmin has, as long as I can remember, used a baby on their packaging.  In fact, one time as a child myself, found this creepy toddler staring back at me from the garbage can beside the kamode.  The empty wrapper was crumpled and posed the image at me just perfectly.  What greeted my gaze was not the pleasant view of a child smiling and enticing me to wipe, no.  The crumple in the plastic gave the baby an evil glare and a furrowed brow.  His demonic little mouth curled with the plastic up and I was forced to scream bloody murder.

My mother came running into the bathroom to find my butt glued ot the seat unable to move.  I finally was able to explain what was wrong, and how the plastic baby image was going to “get me”.  Sure it sounds stupid NOW, but even my mother did a double-take.  To this day I don’t care for the staring wrappers – not that it stops us from buying these baby-endorsed brands.

We have been purchasing MD/Angel Soft bathroom tissue lately.  MD too carries a baby on their wrappings, however theirs is draped in a cloak of blanket.  Is the blanket to give even more stress to the influence of their softness?  I quite frankly don’t want to think about my son’s blanket in the bathroom near the pooper, even though we keep it rather clean… let alone ever thought about wiping with it!

I’ve been noticing lately how very Jedi the baby looks in his hooded form.  Give this little tyke a light sabre and you’d have yourself one tough little Padawan.  I wouldn’t want to face him anyway… not with my pants down.  I don’t want my sphincter cauterized.  This of course gave me reason to break out Photoshop and make a nice little Sith Lord baby toilet paper wrapper.  Its a small image, so don’t expect great quality.  I had fun making it however… so long as I had fun, I guess.

With the new Star Wars animated movie coming out, I am willing to bet that MD/Angel Soft could actually make a butt load (pun intended) of money selling customized packaging.  Unless they used one of those chicks with the tentacles coming out of the sides of their heads.  What’s the deal with that?

P.S. I love how spell check fixed my spelling of Sphicter and Padawan – only in this day and age is this kind of thing possible.  God bless the Internet… and Al Gore for inventing it!

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