Her Name Must Be ‘Heather’

I took a small excursion to the Auburn Super Mall with the family the other night as a means to get out of the house and walk around.  The mall is a huge circle, so you can walk around the entire thing without doubling back and getting a reminder of your shopping decisions.

It was suppose to be a family outing, but pretty much turned into a final escapade for school clothes-getting.  We were just about done with the month-long mission to outfit our kids for the new year, with only a few items remaining.  I was left with Simon at the Children’s Adventure Zone while the women all scurried off to find a zip-up sweatshirt and maybe a new pair of shoes.

I’m not a huge fan of these play areas.  Large moulded shapes with a plastic protective coating that the kids might be able to cling to, as they adventure through and slide down smooth surfaces, collide with each other while running to the next toy, and for the uber coordinated: falling off any object more than one inch from the ground.

Its not the shapes or the colliding that irks me about these places, no.  It’s the fact that every child there other than my own defy the rules and do it all completely barefoot.  Getting their sticky foot sweat all over everything.  Which wouldn’t be THAT big of a deal, if my son didn’t use his face for support or leverage when climbing on the toys.  My boy doesn’t run THAT fast in the small square of joy to sweat himself – it think the glistening is the sweat he’s collected while traversing the fort-o-stink.  But does he care?  No.

The challenges for him this day were a bit more difficult than when his sisters are there to help him up tricky ledges and slopes.  You might be thinking I would get in there and help him out, but you’d be sadly mistaken.  The current from the flow of children would sweep me under and I may never be heard from again!  So in a final ditch effort to ease his burden, I did the unthinkable.  I took off his little Mickey Mouse socks, and let him have at it.

My slippery little frog of a son turned from uncoordinated 2 year old, into a mini-Spider-Man.  He clung to every surface, and climbed like he never climbed before.  His little face beamed with delight as he completed the tasks of reaching the pinnacle of each forged plastic-y shape.  Wow, I should have unclenched way sooner!  He was having a blast!

It was pure enjoyment for myself as well, watching him make new discoveries.  My concentration was only slightly broken when the disheveled woman sitting to my right ceased watching her brood and began the panic-driven lemur stance looking for two of her company’s mother to return.  Obvious to me, she was watching her friend’s children while she shopped til she dropped.  Unfortunate for them, she was at the end of her rope and needed a break.

Her name was Heather.  I know this because the two children standing in front of her, climbing on the plastic car-slide-thing, and bouncing in front of her ever-turning head, repeated her name over and over… and over.

…and over.

Child #1: Heather.  Heather.  Heather, heather, Heather-heather-heather.  Look at me!  Heather.  Heatherheatherheather… look, look, look at me!
Heather: Okay, I’m looking (then looks away)
Child #2: Heather!
Child #1: Heather.  Heather.  Watch this!  Heather.
Heather: I’m watching (not looking).
Child #1: Weeeeee!  Heather, did you see that?  Did you see what I just did?  Heather?  Heather?  Heather.
Heather: Yeah, that’s great.
Child #2: Heather… Heather.
Child #1: Oh No!  Heather look at me!  Heather, look!  I turned into a bridge and I have to stay like this FOREVER.
*Pause*
Child #1: Heather look at me, quick before I fall.
Heather: Yep, that’s great… (sees friend approaching)

At this point I reverse all my previous bias toward the children and understand that their behavior was learned.  And they probably learned it from this temporary nanny with A.D.H.D.

Heather: Oh you’re back!  Show me what you bought!  What did you buy?  What did you get?
Friend: Well I went to the Shoe Pavilion and…
Heather: Oh show me what you got there!  Did you see those ones…?

Good heavens Heather!  Get a grip!… Wait a sec, where’s Simon?

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