Parsley

Some people think it makes your plate look nice, some people see it as an additional side to your already balanced dish, then there are those who hate it.  I knew this chick once who acted like he chef pooped on her plate when she had to move aside the kale and parsley from her meal.  I pick some real winners huh?  I don’t see garnish much to be concerned over.  Maybe in some cultures you are expected to eat it or use it as a corsage or something – but here we use it to make the final bill more justifiable.

“$56.00 and we didn’t even order booze!?  Well the plates did have parsley on them.  Meh.”

I was introduced to even a new form of garnish this past week!  And it is BY FAR my most favorite!  Please notice that as I type that last line, I am using extreme sarcasm and am pressing my keys really REALLY hard.  I happen to be the victim of a garnished bank account.  Oh I know it sounds to some of you like maybe my checks have a cute picture of money on them – or perhaps tassels on my debit card.  Alas, you would be incorrect.  Apparently through a one or two page legal-looking document, you can freeze someone’s bank account and take money out of it!  Yeah!  With no notice!

I got this certified letter the other day and opened it to find a demand for money.  Apparently doctors want to be paid on some kind of reliable schedule.  I mean, its not like they ever made ME wait for unpredictable times in a small room, sometimes partially naked, expectantly.  But I guess if you make them wait, or fail to call them back, or ‘make good on payment for services rendered’… they decide to take it up a notch.

So anyway, I called these bastards up and arranged to pay them on the spot.  I mean the letter was a copy of a letter they sent to my bank.  So after calling and checking with my bank, to see if they had responded to this letter, I paid them and got them to send a new letter saying I was a cool dude.  YAY ME!  Well that was last Friday, and they didn’t fax the letter until Monday.  Saturday they ‘garnished’ my account which included freezing my cards and making my money inaccessible.  I could see it through the online fish tank of a window, but I couldn’t play with it.  Almost like a basketball player with extremely short arms.  He can see his manhood, but can’t ‘clean it’.

Today this was finally all fixed-ish.  Account is finally unlocked, cards re-ordered, but the money that they swiped from my account after I had already paid the commie bastards at the socialist refor… I mean doctor’s office, is still in limbo.  Apparently the bank cut them a check and it is in transit.  Once it arrives at its final destination, it will be returned to me.  I have essentially paid my massive medical bill twice, and awaiting vindication.  Of course this is a doctor we are talking about, who knows when I will see that check.  I feel like they’ve had me dropping my shorts and coughing for a few weeks now – even though it has been only one.

I didn’t even get a lolli-pop.

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