Recycle Plus
March 20, 2009 by Douglas · Leave a Comment
I have really been trying to be healthy. Well starting today that is – and boy has it been a rough four or five hours. Hey, get off my back! I got up late and then didn’t decide right away. I mean, its not like you start working the moment you show up, right? I had to ramp up.
So anyway, I normally skip breakfast but since I am being all healthy I figured I should start off with that all vital “most important meal of the day”. I cracked into a bowl of Trail Mix Crunch. The picture on the box was somewhat appetizing and my son liked it sans-milk the first day it was purchased, it HAD to be good.
Who knew there was a Kibbles and Bits equivalent for humans? Kibbles of ‘trail’ and bits of concrete ‘mix’, and of course the crunch is self explanatory. Thank God I poured milk over it, otherwise it might have clogged my throat and I would have given Ed Asner a run for his money on being intolerable.
The petrified dead flies that peppered the box were the worst part of the whole deal. Yeah they were pretty gross, with their surprisingly tough skins and nugget-y cores that took more chewing than the other gravel, to get down. Of course the box claimed that these previously buzzing scavengers were raisins – but I can’t see dried grapes being this evil.
All this wasn’t so bad however, I’ve had worse. I can’t remember what it was that was worse – but I am sure there had to be something. I was able to swallow.
Speaking of swallowing… I was driving the back roads of Enumclaw today to get back tot he car dealership (again) and saw a freshly pooped out calf leaning against his/her mom. The mom and her friend were actively munching on afterbirth. It was pretty gross.
You haven’t seen nature unless you’ve seen a cow eating its own placenta. Let alone sharing it with another cow-pal.
I don’t even like that word: “placenta”. It just sounds odd. Like some Mexican restaurant in downtown Kent. Placenta’s Cantina and Eatery… I’m going to have to copyright that name soon. It’d be a hot place to meet chicks.
Wait a second – if women had breasts like cows have udders, would they have one large breast with like eight nipples? Or would they have eight boobs with one nipple each? Just wondering.
I'm an independent web developer and copywriter. When I'm not gazing into the seductive mistress of the internet, I'm helping to raise my two daughters (1 teen, 1 pre-teen) and hyperactive 5 year-old kung-fu master son. Blissfully and happily married to my wife, Kristen - as we try to survive the epic daily battles of suburban life in Maple Valley, WA.