The Other Red Meat

So I was at Costco the other day – and by other day, I mean yesterday.  And I am looking for something in-particular, beer.  But I also wanted to snag some pepperoni sticks.  Every time I go in there I see pepperoni sticks right there in front right next to the checkouts, and I want me some.

Well brother, I bought me some pepperoni sticks and I bought a 30 box of Coors Light.  Good times.

Have you ever been obsessed about something and can’t get it out of your mind, until you sample or experience it?  I know, right?  So I rip into this bag of pepperoni sticks on my way home – cause I know they will rock my socks off, when I realize I have been duped – and these sticks suck ass.

I love pepperoni.  I like cocktail pepperoni.  But this is Beef Pepperoni.  Oh it looks tasty, but it’s dry and has no pep.  My pepperoni is pep-less.  They should just label it Eroni.  As in “eroni-ous” – why even sell this shit?  Because most consumers are just like me and don’t take the time to judge what they want – and go for the name recognition expecting it to fulfill all their hopes and desires.

So anyway, my beef pepperoni… screw that, I refuse to even call it pepperoni.  My cardboard sticks are incredibly dull and do not compliment my beer at all.  Granted they are more stomachable the more beers you consume – but it tastes like Jimmy Dean shat in your mouth when you wake up the next morning.  Thanks Jimmy!

Speaking of meat sticks… have you seen that Geithner clown running around?  I seriously think he’s doing the will of the current administration – but that he’ll be cut loose soon and is rather expendable.

Personally I think if you gave him a baseball cap and 6 pack of Zima he’d look like some dolt on To Catch A Predator with Chris Hansen.

In fact I think that show is pseudo-brilliant.  While I think the methods they use to set these patsies up is just perpetuating the problem, if not creating it – I like the entire premise of tagging and bagging would-be pedophiles.  I would like to do something like that when meeting my daughter’s dates and prospective suitors.  Hire a camera crew and just rake them over the coals.  If they pass then maybe they get a shot at being an in-law.  Otherwise I introduce them to my two friends, Smith and Wesson.

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