July, Facebook in Revue

30 -
I keep getting text and image messages from this number: 206-356-95XX.

I’m too lazy to call them and tell them otherwise, so I’ll just post it all here… cause I’m not *THAT* lazy.

29 -
In today’s politics you can choose the red pill or the blue pill. Either way, if you have an election for more than four hours, you should consult your doctor.

I’m going to see this movie. It looks incredible. And if I have to kill you to make it happen… so be it.

Wow… I keep opening my mouth and my foot just keeps jumping right in.

27 -
Day #2 – come on, pick me or send me home quick… I got some lazing about to do!

26 -
This looks like a better A-Team than any of that other mumbo jumbo.

Two little words, and eight little letters separate me from serious work today… jury duty. But they have WiFi, so I’s happy.

19 -
conducting an experiment to see if there is a difference in flavors of Spongebob, Scooby-Doo and Spider-Man fruit snacks. Annnnnd… GO!

18 -
So They Called Her Mouth A Motor. Someone’s Always Tryin’ To Start My Baby Cryin’. Talkin’, Squealin’, Spyin’. Sayin’ You Just Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’…

17 -
Gonna watch Clash of the Titans… I’m the only one in the theater… must be a great movie! T-minus 5 mins.

14 -
In honor of French Maid outfits every where, or just in case you missed it: Happy Bastille Day.

I’m So Ronery, So ronery, So ronery and sadry arone.
There’s no one, Just me onry, Sitting on my rittle throne…

13 -
Any warm fuzzies I had yesterday have now left the building.

12 -
Michael J Fox’s muscle shakes: Brings all the boys to the yard.

10 -
Me frustrated driving family to the river: “Simon… Just Stop! Stop Talking!”
Simon: “… meow.”

09 -
I think I lost like 15 pounds in all this heat. So I went to McDonalds. Found them again!

07 -
Saw many large pallets of HUGE bottles of Fish Oil capsules at Costco.
Somewhere there are some very sad, very squeaky fish.

05 – likes speaking in the third person.

04 – Happy 4th of July! And as Tiny Tim would say: “God bless us, every one.”

02 – thinks that shopping at IKEA on LSD would be like Real Life Candyland.

Let me just warn you, the last person who called me “vanilla”… is dead now. It was lymphatic cancer, but still.

01 – My family doesn’t “get” me. Whilst eating giant soft pretzels I said: “Jesus was always God’s Son, but he wasn’t Hole-y until after the crusifixion.” But I was the only one laughing… I might be doomed.

Great. NOW I want some Necco Wafers in the worst way!

I wonder if cows just *KNOW* they’re delicious.

So I got slapped in the face. Like I have been taught, I turned the other cheek. THEN got slapped again! I thought it was a gesture… you know like a Michael Jackson crotch grab… I’m not doing that again. Soon anyway.