State of panic

is getting sick and tired of this police state we live in now. A guy can’t rent a van and buy 220 gallons of liquid fertilizer any more with out getting asked a million questions and being made to feel suspect! Plot to take over the world today – took off like last ngiht’s left [...]

Best part OF the muffin

awful lotta talk about a certain High School Reunion – makes me thirsty for a Zima. My muffin top brings all the girls to the yard. Damn right.

Blanket Solution

Doug’s Lessons in Management; Dealing with Employees and Coworkers: You CAN Ask – “Are you having difficulty and need assistance?” You Can NOT Ask – “Are you retarded?” feels REALLY weird. I don’t know what happened but I was unconscious for like 4 hours straight – woke up with these ‘blanket’ things all over me. [...]

Wrong Book

Found out I been reading the wrong book. I grabbed the KARMA Sutra. I bet that’s going to come back and bite me. I actually don’t believe in Karma: The Indian philosophy of “what comes around goes around”…  It’s like Thought Herpes.

Marketing Don’ts

Marketing Don’ts: Asparagus Flavored Edible Underwear That’d be like, Vegan irony.

Deliverance

1% Lucerne Milk is the BEST! Just like mom used to make! Did I tell you today how much I like being your friend? No?… Good. What’s the difference between listening to a 1st year violin student, and bagpipes? Not much. Some days you’re the banjo, and some days you’re the inbred redneck. Note to [...]

Break Fast

Between the pig and the chicken, only one is truly committed to the farmer’s breakfast.

Sesame Avenue

…and for lunch I think I’ll have the loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.

Oprah Solution

Gulf Coast Oil : What if we told Oprah that Barack was stuck in the pipe – She’d swim right down there to save him. I bet that’d stop the leak. You’re welcome America. Sometimes I like to think that if the Last Supper happened today, instead of “Take this bread and eat, it is [...]

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